That’s not a complaint…this is a complaint

FOR those Australian investors who have prided themselves on complaining about anything and everything for much of their lives, here’s a spanner for your works.

According to the Australian Securities and Investments Commission (ASIC), only six per cent of Australian investors actually know how to complain properly when it comes to trouble with financial products.

That means 94 per cent of Australian investors are running amuck whingeing, moaning, and creating agonising situations for financial planners in a completely clueless manner — actually, that sounds quite similar to the way a few BDMs act.

In an attempt to tackle the lack of proper whingeing, ASIC has released a guide, which slots into the blatantly obvious category — the ‘You Can Complain’ guide.

That’s right, for all those investors out there who are paranoid that the level of complaints they have lodged in the past five hours has been under 50, then here is the guide that will help you reach well over your quota.

The guide, which is outlined in the universally popular step-by-step model, gives investors an in-depth account of how to annoy the crap out of those in the financial planning markets. In a further step, ASIC has also released the guide in three languages other than English — Vietnamese, Arabic and Chinese — proving that when it comes to complaints, communication has no barriers.

However, it seems the guide should really be called, ‘How to go from an A client to a Z client in three simple steps’. Perhaps this could be another best seller for Rene Rivkin?