Financial planning – it’s a dog’s life, right?

A planner’s life as they say, shouldn’t be all work and no play. Sometime the play becomes more work than the work. Nick Bruining reports.

So fellow planners, with the Ring Thingy finished in Sydney and most of the NSW-based now back at work from their "sick break", what better time to get the hell out of Dodge and head away for a break.

The worst part's getting ready to go. Not the packing of the car nor dealing with the extortionists running the short stay dog kennels. These dog people are mongrels (gee, that's funny). They know how to appeal to dogs.

"We give them a cooked meal once a day, take them for a walk twice a day and they sleep inside."

Now, I have to be honest, that's better than Fergie gets at home. I can see it now, coming home in the car with Fergie's Fangs embedded in my throat, growling in dog-speak, "take me back to the kennel you bastard".

No, the going away pressure I'm talking about the stuff you get at work. Now, being a small practice things in many respects, are a little easier. You don't have the white ant problem. You know that rat-bag, university trained, 22 year old CFP who can rattle off the unit price of the AMP Quant Trust on 12 June 1998 at the drop of a hat.

You get back from holidays and discover the bastard has done a better job than you. She sails in on the morning you return to tell you how she's solved the global warming problem and got Centrelink to back-pay $46,000 of Mrs Adam's pension.

"Oh good, but did Mrs Adams tell you about her inheritance" you ask smugly, KNOWING that she's stuffed up.

"Oh yes, but under S 118(3)b iv and with the AAT finding in Cruikshank v Immigration, we ended up with another $2,000".

Fergie! Fergie! I've got a friend for you to play with!

Nup, there's no doubt about it, doing your own thing fixes that problem.

No, the first drama is letting people know you're going away. I've known people who discreetly try to slip away for a few days. I have to warn you that here in WA, slipping away quietly for a few days is not a good idea.

People are very funny about advisers wandering off. Within 48 hours of you disappearing, you end up with three bus loads of pensioners at the international terminal, holding the security guards hostage while they scan the video tapes to make sure you haven't boarded an international flight. Bondy tried it once and ended up with three old ladies from the Swan cottage homes throwing their walking frames in front of a 747.

No the answer in this State is to let them know well in advance that you're going away, you tell them loudly and repeatedly the day you're going and the day you'll be back.

Next thing is to advise your office staff what events will warrant them calling you. Ian Heraud in Melbourne has it down pat.

"Client tax audits, births, deaths, DEFCON 4, toilet blockages and the Goodyear blimp falling from the sky on our office are out."

"My Slick Pick coming good, DNA proof that I'm related to JP Rockefeller, a call from Carmody with a personal apology over tax administration are all reasons why my staff could send me a letter suggesting I call the office when I feel."

Me, I just put a message on my answering machine.

"We're sorry we're not here right now. We're ON HOLIDAY! Go Away. If you have more than half a mill to invest, don't give a flying about an 8 per cent entry fee and see a 22 per cent loss in the first year as a way of generating a useful tax offset, leave your number. If the matter's urgent, call an ambulance. Bye!"

Surprisingly, we still get messages left on it.

"George" - older voice speaking away from the mouthpiece, "it's a message machine. Can't quite work out what he said. Says to watch Get Away to see about a free entry for a plane trip where we get 22 per cent if we switch off the telly."

"Man's a bloody idiot" - background voice - "tell him we have $260 to invest and if he doesn't call back in an hour we'll call Paul Clitheroe instead." bleeeep

The other way is to leave the place in charge of someone who's cheap, enthusiastic, can't white-ant you but is very conscientious. Sounds like a tough ask, right ? Wrong.

I've found the best source of staff for this purpose are Year 10 work experience kids. Yeah, sure they sound a little young on the phone but get them to answer it with:

"Hello Ni.. Ni.. Nick Bruining's office. My name is Timothy Francis, I'm on work experience, how may I help you today?"

Brilliant hey! No one's going to give a kid like that a hard time.

You can probably take off for a fair while. The only problem is that most work experience programs only go for a fortnight and you might want to get the guy next door to check the doors at night.

The good thing for the student is that they'll be well and truly blooded by the end of the two weeks. If you want to be really adventurous, try this at the end of June.

So having sorted out the office, the next thing is to head home, pack the car, fill the thermos, load the kids and vroom!

Funny how the car now seems to need one of those Concorde drop down noses to see the road ahead.

About two hours into the trip with Ben pinching Tom, Emily elbowing Ben and

Tom saying he wants to be sick, your mind begins to wander to more pleasant things…….

I wonder if Fergie has any room in her cage at the kennel….