(2 December, 2004) More than just a convention (there’s plenty of beer too)

Can you believe it? Nearly Christmas again and you know what that means… time for you to line the stomach with milk, dust off the Beroccas and dig out your loudest Hawaiian shirt and fly off to the Financial Planning Association (FPA) Convention!

Now there may still be one or two of you who head along to get the latest in technical info, assess the latest modelling packages, touch hands with a few legends of the profession and see if you can land Chris Cuffe’s rollover — just the trail would make the deal worthwhile.

If the truth be known, there are more than a few out there who basically have three objectives in attending the annual FPA Convention:

1. Perve.

2. Steal as many freebies from the stands as you can.

3. See if it’s possible for a human liver to show exponential growth at L= X², where L = Liver Size and X = Alcohol in Litres Per Hour.

There’s always a few stands to watch out for. For example, Asgard almost always puts on a good stand. Apparently a couple of months ago the plan was to have a three storey tower and if you took a product disclosure statement you got to bungee jump from the top level — supposedly representing the drop in the group’s management expense ratios. But rumour has it that the idea bit the dust when someone in marketing thought it might suggest something was happening to their funds under management.

The Australian Securities and Investments Commission (ASIC) usually have a good stand too and I, like many, always call by to say g’day.

Now folks, you can take the ASIC presence two ways. Some figure that ASIC have hidden cameras on the stand that photograph you and send the pictures directly to the surveillance team. But that’s not the case — they’re stored on CD first and then sent to the surveillance team. You kind of feel sorry for them, a bit like the photographer at the wedding who’s seated next to the toilets. You just think you should have a chat to make them feel wanted. Just a warning though — if you do plan on stopping by, make sure it’s not the day you’re wearing your Hawaiian shirt brandishing the big button saying ‘Ask Me About Accessing Your Super Early’.

Navigator will be there demonstrating PlanIt mark 49. Those who still love the old FPI (including yours truly) will be dreading the changeover after the last attempt, with suggestions that the new version will also be available on XBox and Playstation 2.

There’s a new exhibitor this year which is sure to get a few of our Victorian colleagues excited. Colonel (retired) Stephen Theodore Mugabwe from the “most excellent city” of Ogbomosho in Nigeria has arrived with 15 of his cousins. They are all desperate to find partners to help them transfer $25 million ($US mind you). All you need to do is bring a letterhead, BSB, and account number. You’ll know you’re getting close to the stand when you find a group of advisers on the floor curled up in the foetal position rocking back and forward.

These guys are positioned right next door to ‘Internet Hot Stocks’. Great concept. Send everyone an e-mail about a dippy little penny dreadful, tell ’em to get on board because these 5 cent stocks are set to go through the roof and dump them. Ask for Rene. Tell him we sent you and you’ll get a two year subscription to his newsletter service.

Of course topic wise, the big issues this year are likely to be disclosure of flow-on benefits, choice, waste, term allocated pensions, platforms and fees.

It’s beginning to sound more like a plumbing trade show and to many of the punters out there, the similarities are too great to contemplate. Go see an adviser that basically can provide all the hardware and if you sit there for a while listening, can even provide the raw materials.

Sadly, yours truly won’t make it this year because pre-existing ‘commitments’ will keep me safe in Perth. And since I won’t be there, make sure you visit the ‘Beers of the World’ stand this year. Last year, myself and a couple of others set to work in alphabetical order. The New South Welshman made it to Denmark (I mean, please, the stuff was mid-strength), the Victorian managed to struggle up to Mythos (from Greece) but the winner was some dude from the Northern Territory who managed to knock off half a bottle of Efes from Turkey.

Tragically (having made it myself to somewhere between Holland and Korea) I have no idea who our hosts were, but if you’re the fund manager in question then watch out for four slightly overweight, loud blokes wearing Hawaiian shirts and toting a conference satchel stuffed full of squeeze balls, yoyos, glow pens and basically looking lost most of the time. Hang on, that sums up most of the 2,500 that’ll be there.

Have fun at the Convention, pinch lots and have a happy Christmas!

Nick Bruining is a Western Australian financial planner and Money Management’s Financial Planner of the Year.